and i start to question everything again.

i feel lonely and empty all over again.


The 'it' thing

And there iam again, feeling like getting know someone new and afraid.
I do a lot of judgement based on what havent been told rather than the ones that is visible. I left myself wonder, until when will i be scared like this and again, hold back?
The thought of getting know someone new, so deeply, is in fact frightening me somehow, like could you imagine adjusting to his environment? to what he likes? to his past?
As i thought i was getting know myself really well i could be wrong. When it comes to this kind of thing i see myself as someone with a different view, different personalities. How could you know that you are being what you are not what you imagine it to be?
And what is it so scary that you think it might be a bad idea to actually getting know someone new? You think he's not quiet your type but youve just adjusted yourself to at least get to know him. And what is it with you that you're trying to open yourself as much as you could so you can see how he reacts to the fact that you are bare, fragile, and alone?

Like i never told you, i'm scared to get to know someone, to be interested with.

I always had that thing on my mind that i would do it so smoothly the next time i will never realize i'm in love yet the reality is the opposite. It takes hours and miles to finally convince yourself that this time you have to try and open yourself.

I really wish it was so much easier as when i was 17. Oh well...