i know it would be a long journey. there, i was sitting on the train while my hands are cold. nothing bothered me, maybe i was nervous. few hours, i did nothing or else just checked my phone or looked at the beautiful scenery out there.
i arrived. then i realized, i was alone. i didnt know exactly where i had to go. in the middle of nowhere, i declared my self as a stranger. pretty quick response, went by taxi, you didnt even know i'am here, yes here.
short texts. i miss you, really. it's been a month, oh two. you didnt even miss me right?
i hope i could do something better like giving surprise, buy i'm not good at that. so i kept myself did nothing. nothing. and it was like a giant ball that kept haunting me.
i prepared for the worst things which are going to happen at that time. reality suck, i remembered.
sounds lame, but sure, we're apart now, i often told my self there was nothing to be sure in any way. you must be so happy, everything's going to and END,
we met. my heart beats faster and faster. those feeling, still the same as like when first time we met. unbelievable isnt it? i still love you no matter what. i know, you dont love me anymore no matter what tho. i freezed. sorry, grammar-fail, but totally i was freezing. i insisted you explain whats wrong but you just left me with words unspoken.
so helpless. even myself cudnt find what was that. you, how dare you did that to me.
postponed. you gave me a clue to pause it for a while. okay so, the night ended plainly bitter.
the next day,
"what's wrong with you?" so many things restrained in my mouth.
"nothing's wrong. there's nothing to explain."
"so, we're just end this way? okay."
"where those feelings go?"
"i dont know," still, sat down in front of his computer, didnt see my face at all.
i felt terrible. wasting my time, sat there, in his room. i cudnt breath.
"dont you want to fix things up?"
"no. for what? i have hold you before, but all you said is just want to break up with me."
"i want to fix this, i love you."
"i told you, i have passed that before, now, i give up. there's nothing to hold up or fix."
those conversation got no point. and all i wanna do is crying. next, he sat beside me, i cried in his arms.
"you know, i love you. i trust you in everything you do, but this is what i get, this is what we get." i cudnt stop crying like the most freakin baby born.
no response. but then,
"yes i know that, sorry for this. i make you feel dissappointed, i betrayed you for everything you trusted on me."
"God, why everything must be like this? why........"
you didn’t say anything. maybe there wasn’t anything to say. instead, you wrapped your arms around me again, only this time you guided my cheek onto your chest and ran your hand over the back of my head, clumsy but comforting. i closed my eyes and listened to the thud of your heart until mine matched pace with yours. finally, you rested your cheek on top of my head and whispered,
"i love you."
then, i'm sure we're not gonna meet for a while. that was so awkward ending. and therefore, i stopped having the urge to ask you such questions. not only because they sound stupid and lame, but i am also no longer interested to know the answer.
there we was. i knew you was crying, a little. but i know i cudnt do anything.
the next day,
my train was waiting. i felt insecure. then i got into the train and sat. hoping you would come and say goodbye, but you never came.
bite my lips, hold my tears till i cudnt breath. i saw thru the window (still) hoping you came and hugged me and said 'i cant leave you'. finally, slowly but sure, the train left the station with all memories we had, all the love that never comes out
zillion things that i havent told you yet.