Winter break 2013

I've been facing tremendously hard times in latests couple months. Got onto different kind environment of education were really fun and difficult at the same time, i never thought that, photography, as so many people say that it is easy was completely a different for me. I found it was challenging when you decided to study on what you really passionate about. I love photography, it always be my first and true love ever since i was in junior high school. However, they were a complete different idea when you learn about the theory and all the stuffs related. I was struggling a lot in advanced photography class that i took. Finally put myself into a real darkroom and processed films by my self. It took really long time for me to understand such thing like darkroom and primitive cameras and the post-processing like printing-thing were really matter. 
Since then i began to understand how every little decision we made proves how much we learn about anything.
I involved in some projects lately, i wrote a children's book, i took a part as photographer in Jeremy Blincoe's opening exhibition in the gallery i volunteer, and got a chance to be part of Hitz247 radio as a photographer. Yet i've been ditched a lot of people as i couldn't manage my time and especially myself. I faced few difficult situations lately about my life and people around me. I feel lonely somehow, i miss home. I miss everyone back home that make me feel like am being loved. 

Melbourne is so depressing.

So many questions so many thoughts that floating around in my mind yet i haven't got the answers. I do feel that something is missing inside me. I barely know my self. 
The other thing, as i found a guy who i feel comfortable with, things just don't go easily. This 'love' thing becomes hassle for me, i choose to not feel anything right now. I don't like to put my expectation high to this person as i like him so much. How can i love thing that i never see?

Today i finished all of my school projects for this trimester. I feel like the weight that i've been carried lately just simply disappear and it is good to feel good again without any reason :) Even if i decided not to go home this winter break, i've already booked a flight to Wellington, New Zealand for next month to see my baby and pure, i'm going to be a backpacker this time. Sounds bit scary for me as i never arranged my trip alone. Anyway who knows good thing might happen next?

So I keep remind myself to be gratitude of what i have now, and enjoy every moment i have. Leave all the bullshit and go on because life is just simple like that.


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