Before my departure to Melbourne, i got these all lovely gifts from my bestfriends. I just can say thank you for all loves you guys gave to me, i love y'all. x
i brought all of these stuffs. So wherever i go, you guys stay in my heart.
Showing posts with label words and space. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words and space. Show all posts
11/17/11
8/16/11
Blue
Memory is a funny thing. When I was in the scene I hardly paid it any attention. I never stopped to think of it as something that would make a lasting impression, certainly never imagined that 18 years later I would recall it in such detail. I didn't give a damn about the scenery that day. I was thinking about myself. I was thinking about the beautiful girl walking next to me. I was thinking about the two of us together, and then about myself again. I was at that age, that time of life when every sight, every feeling, every thought came back, like a boomerang, to me. And worse, I was in love. Love with complications. Scenery was the last thing on my mind. -Norwegian Wood, by Harumi Murakamiunbelieveable how i write this post with longing feeling and can't hold my tears to fall down. this feeling can't be any worst than this, it almost hurts that still, i can remember every detail back on that time where my heart stumbled and broke into pieces. same thing happen again, yet i can't do anything even this time, i've already tried to be honest. well then, being honest was the wrong trial and everything seems worthless after. if i could, i wanna go to Melbourne right now, start college, and leave all the things behind. you there, i love you, sorry that things really don't work out for us right now.
4/30/11
Fullmoon Mood
Couple shoots i toke during fullmoon phase. Major bummer, i dont have any good tele lens. no details :-(
Well you told me that I was just not the one and you left me standing out in the cold.
It's been a long time and I'm so much better now that I'm looking back and seeing it all.
And for the first time, there's no pain in my life. It's been a long hard road that I've gone.
We had a good thing and it made me a man and I know you got me going
Pardon me, my feelings are showing, I'm only saying what's on my mind.
Well I found you or maybe I found myself and I think we knew it all of the time.
We fit together just like a lock and a key and we opened up each other's mind.
Yeah I was laughing 'cause there was no room to cry.
There was too much growing to do. We had a good time, and it ain't over yet.
'Cause I know you've got me going
Will you pardon me, my feelings are showing
I'm only saying....
It's been a long time and I'm so much better now that I'm looking back and seeing it all.
And for the first time, there's no pain in my life. It's been a long hard road that I've gone.
We had a good thing and it made me a man and I know you got me going
Pardon me, my feelings are showing, I'm only saying what's on my mind.
Well I found you or maybe I found myself and I think we knew it all of the time.
We fit together just like a lock and a key and we opened up each other's mind.
Yeah I was laughing 'cause there was no room to cry.
There was too much growing to do. We had a good time, and it ain't over yet.
'Cause I know you've got me going
Will you pardon me, my feelings are showing
I'm only saying....
♫ song by Kansas ♫
4/9/11
The Shawshank Redemption review & quotes
About a banker(Tim Robbins) who is accused of double murder in the 1940s and begins a life sentence at the fictional Shawshank prison, where he's befriended by an older inmate named Red(Morgan Freeman). During his long stretch in prison, Dufresne comes to be admired by the other inmates for his upstanding moral code and his quietly indomitable spirit. [via Wikiquote]
This film show the meaning of life with such a humble way. I cant stop said, 'omg' and 'cool' because it tells the ups and downs, hopes, fears, anything!!! Enough said, i'm not really good on writing, i'll list some mind blowing quotes from this film.
———————
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
"Some things are better left unsaid."
" I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can't be expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you those voices soared, higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away"
"Because to tell You the truth, I don't give a shit."
" I can't believe how fast things move on the outside. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry."
"I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay."
"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying."
"Terrible thing, to live in fear. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won't have to be afraid all the time."
———————
Andy: They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.
2/8/11
2/6/11
vous, nous.
i know it would be a long journey. there, i was sitting on the train while my hands are cold. nothing bothered me, maybe i was nervous. few hours, i did nothing or else just checked my phone or looked at the beautiful scenery out there.
sunday.
i arrived. then i realized, i was alone. i didnt know exactly where i had to go. in the middle of nowhere, i declared my self as a stranger. pretty quick response, went by taxi, you didnt even know i'am here, yes here.
---
short texts. i miss you, really. it's been a month, oh two. you didnt even miss me right?
i hope i could do something better like giving surprise, buy i'm not good at that. so i kept myself did nothing. nothing. and it was like a giant ball that kept haunting me.
i prepared for the worst things which are going to happen at that time. reality suck, i remembered.
sounds lame, but sure, we're apart now, i often told my self there was nothing to be sure in any way. you must be so happy, everything's going to and END,
---
we met. my heart beats faster and faster. those feeling, still the same as like when first time we met. unbelievable isnt it? i still love you no matter what. i know, you dont love me anymore no matter what tho. i freezed. sorry, grammar-fail, but totally i was freezing. i insisted you explain whats wrong but you just left me with words unspoken.
so helpless. even myself cudnt find what was that. you, how dare you did that to me.
postponed. you gave me a clue to pause it for a while. okay so, the night ended plainly bitter.
the next day,
"what's wrong with you?" so many things restrained in my mouth.
"nothing's wrong. there's nothing to explain."
"so, we're just end this way? okay."
silent.
"where those feelings go?"
"i dont know," still, sat down in front of his computer, didnt see my face at all.
"okay,"
i felt terrible. wasting my time, sat there, in his room. i cudnt breath.
"dont you want to fix things up?"
"no. for what? i have hold you before, but all you said is just want to break up with me."
"........."
"i want to fix this, i love you."
"i told you, i have passed that before, now, i give up. there's nothing to hold up or fix."
---
those conversation got no point. and all i wanna do is crying. next, he sat beside me, i cried in his arms.
"you know, i love you. i trust you in everything you do, but this is what i get, this is what we get." i cudnt stop crying like the most freakin baby born.
no response. but then,
"yes i know that, sorry for this. i make you feel dissappointed, i betrayed you for everything you trusted on me."
"God, why everything must be like this? why........"
---
you didn’t say anything. maybe there wasn’t anything to say. instead, you wrapped your arms around me again, only this time you guided my cheek onto your chest and ran your hand over the back of my head, clumsy but comforting. i closed my eyes and listened to the thud of your heart until mine matched pace with yours. finally, you rested your cheek on top of my head and whispered,
"i love you."
then, i'm sure we're not gonna meet for a while. that was so awkward ending. and therefore, i stopped having the urge to ask you such questions. not only because they sound stupid and lame, but i am also no longer interested to know the answer.
there we was. i knew you was crying, a little. but i know i cudnt do anything.
---
the next day,
my train was waiting. i felt insecure. then i got into the train and sat. hoping you would come and say goodbye, but you never came.
bite my lips, hold my tears till i cudnt breath. i saw thru the window (still) hoping you came and hugged me and said 'i cant leave you'. finally, slowly but sure, the train left the station with all memories we had, all the love that never comes out
and,
zillion things that i havent told you yet.
sunday.
i arrived. then i realized, i was alone. i didnt know exactly where i had to go. in the middle of nowhere, i declared my self as a stranger. pretty quick response, went by taxi, you didnt even know i'am here, yes here.
---
short texts. i miss you, really. it's been a month, oh two. you didnt even miss me right?
i hope i could do something better like giving surprise, buy i'm not good at that. so i kept myself did nothing. nothing. and it was like a giant ball that kept haunting me.
i prepared for the worst things which are going to happen at that time. reality suck, i remembered.
sounds lame, but sure, we're apart now, i often told my self there was nothing to be sure in any way. you must be so happy, everything's going to and END,
---
we met. my heart beats faster and faster. those feeling, still the same as like when first time we met. unbelievable isnt it? i still love you no matter what. i know, you dont love me anymore no matter what tho. i freezed. sorry, grammar-fail, but totally i was freezing. i insisted you explain whats wrong but you just left me with words unspoken.
so helpless. even myself cudnt find what was that. you, how dare you did that to me.
postponed. you gave me a clue to pause it for a while. okay so, the night ended plainly bitter.
the next day,
"what's wrong with you?" so many things restrained in my mouth.
"nothing's wrong. there's nothing to explain."
"so, we're just end this way? okay."
silent.
"where those feelings go?"
"i dont know," still, sat down in front of his computer, didnt see my face at all.
"okay,"
i felt terrible. wasting my time, sat there, in his room. i cudnt breath.
"dont you want to fix things up?"
"no. for what? i have hold you before, but all you said is just want to break up with me."
"........."
"i want to fix this, i love you."
"i told you, i have passed that before, now, i give up. there's nothing to hold up or fix."
---
those conversation got no point. and all i wanna do is crying. next, he sat beside me, i cried in his arms.
"you know, i love you. i trust you in everything you do, but this is what i get, this is what we get." i cudnt stop crying like the most freakin baby born.
no response. but then,
"yes i know that, sorry for this. i make you feel dissappointed, i betrayed you for everything you trusted on me."
"God, why everything must be like this? why........"
---
you didn’t say anything. maybe there wasn’t anything to say. instead, you wrapped your arms around me again, only this time you guided my cheek onto your chest and ran your hand over the back of my head, clumsy but comforting. i closed my eyes and listened to the thud of your heart until mine matched pace with yours. finally, you rested your cheek on top of my head and whispered,
"i love you."
then, i'm sure we're not gonna meet for a while. that was so awkward ending. and therefore, i stopped having the urge to ask you such questions. not only because they sound stupid and lame, but i am also no longer interested to know the answer.
there we was. i knew you was crying, a little. but i know i cudnt do anything.
---
the next day,
my train was waiting. i felt insecure. then i got into the train and sat. hoping you would come and say goodbye, but you never came.
bite my lips, hold my tears till i cudnt breath. i saw thru the window (still) hoping you came and hugged me and said 'i cant leave you'. finally, slowly but sure, the train left the station with all memories we had, all the love that never comes out
and,
zillion things that i havent told you yet.
12/21/10
12/4/10
Such a crap.
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
From a great height
From a great height... height...
Rain down, rain down
Come on rain down on me
11/17/10
//
"Kamu tuh hidup harus terus melaju, tapi ya km sekali2 harus liat ke spion, melihat refleksi masa lalu. Tp ya tetep harus melajunya ke dpn." - Philo
How to make a deal with the past?
I suddenly cried when one of my best friend told me about her nice boyfriend, how they completly fit in each other, how she loves him day after day, how good her boyfriend treats her, and etc. Well to be honest, i miss my past. It's been a long time since last time i cried. I feel like, hm bad. I'm trying my best to cooperate with my past, crawling with them, dancing with them, even trying so hard to erase them. But then i realized, i did nothing.
I wish i had much something to say to you... I wish i could hug you tight when last time me met...
I wish i never found you.
ps: i hope there's no one come and would happen read this. i hope this post is invisible, like me.
How to make a deal with the past?
I suddenly cried when one of my best friend told me about her nice boyfriend, how they completly fit in each other, how she loves him day after day, how good her boyfriend treats her, and etc. Well to be honest, i miss my past. It's been a long time since last time i cried. I feel like, hm bad. I'm trying my best to cooperate with my past, crawling with them, dancing with them, even trying so hard to erase them. But then i realized, i did nothing.
I wish i had much something to say to you... I wish i could hug you tight when last time me met...
I wish i never found you.
ps: i hope there's no one come and would happen read this. i hope this post is invisible, like me.
11/13/10
Tired of this mind blowing
In my mind, and nailed into my heels
All the time, killing what I feel...
All the time, killing what I feel...
I am fused.
Just in case I blow out, I am glued
Just in case I crack out.
Just in case I blow out, I am glued
Just in case I crack out.
[Radiohead - Blow out]
10/30/10
In fact it very difficult for me to accept reality.
This ambition is killing me.
Do I have to bury all that far-distant dream?
The belief that all this time I woke up in such a way seemed to collapse just like that.
In vain.
If only ..
If only ...
Too many expectations. I exaggerated.
I fell,
again,
again,
and again.
This ambition is killing me.
Do I have to bury all that far-distant dream?
The belief that all this time I woke up in such a way seemed to collapse just like that.
In vain.
If only ..
If only ...
Too many expectations. I exaggerated.
I fell,
again,
again,
and again.
10/22/10
Whether you like it or not, this my fuckin blog. Stop accuse this thing blindly. I'm not stealing your idea, everybody does steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels imagination.
Good art speaks for it self. That doesn't mean you have to like it.
Originality is non-existent.
'It's not where you take things from ― it's where you take them to.'
Good art speaks for it self. That doesn't mean you have to like it.
Originality is non-existent.
'It's not where you take things from ― it's where you take them to.'
10/5/10
Been searching an undergraduates schoolarship majoring in Arts. School abroad is my current obsession, can't help it that i want it very bad. I'm too depressed living here, sorrounding by people that i don't like. Need a new space, new peoples, new climate changes. Well, going abroad seems a great escape. I know that's silly, maybe i kind of narrow-minded people but i keep on dreaming and believes that someday i'll be there in a place which is totally strange but somehow its good to start a new life. When googling a schoolarship, i found this, Scholastic Art & Writing Awards Alliance for young artist and writers and guess what? The winner's artworks are beyond cool for me. Gonna show you two of them
10/1/10
When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone
The days get rainy and the nights get long
When you get that feelin' you were born to lose
Starin' at your ceiling, thinkin' of your blues
When there's so much trouble that you want to cry
The world has crumbled and you don't know why
When your hopes are fading and they can't be found
Dreams have left you waiting friends have let you down
--
What my dad said this morning hits me real hard. Really, i'm loosing grip to reality.
There's something that i've left behind. The most sarcastic word i've ever known, realistic.
The days get rainy and the nights get long
When you get that feelin' you were born to lose
Starin' at your ceiling, thinkin' of your blues
When there's so much trouble that you want to cry
The world has crumbled and you don't know why
When your hopes are fading and they can't be found
Dreams have left you waiting friends have let you down
--
What my dad said this morning hits me real hard. Really, i'm loosing grip to reality.
There's something that i've left behind. The most sarcastic word i've ever known, realistic.
Dear God, why You have to let me down?
9/23/10
9/8/10
8/31/10
After 16 months. Thank you.
Terima kasih ya. Kamu baik sekali.
I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.
Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
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